Joke of the day

[W4RLR]

Speak up!

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.
As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a
large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.

He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man!

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS!"

 

[powerboatr]

NSA Monitoring Center

 

[02SilverStroke]

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
come back again.

These are hilarious, especially the FLY BY. I'm sure we've all been guilty of this. I work in a pretty large office building with three floors and each floor has four restroom, so if one is busy, just go to another.

 

[02SilverStroke]

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home Depot either."

I've heard something like this before, except it was three couples: a 60 year old couple, a 40 year old couple, and a 20 year old couple. The 60 year old couple did okay, so they were allowed into the church. The 40 year old couple had a tough time but they made it too and were allowed to join the church. However, the 20 year old couple failed the test. She dropped a can of beans in the Piggly Wiggly Store, and he couldn't resist. They're not allowed in Piggly Wiggly either.

 

[W4RLR]

A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a
construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in
all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing
the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or
less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with
her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and
gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At
the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope
containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took it home to her
mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested
that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the
next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and
asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such
a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with
the crew building the house next door to us." My goodness gracious,"
said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week,
too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those a**holes at Home Depot ever
deliver the f***ing sheet rock..."

 

[WD40]

american greetings card

RUN, RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=414486086&m=5389&rr=y&source=ag99

 

[acjjkamp]

oh Doug, did you ever nail it

run and duck for cover

 

[Scarlet_Nape]

Company Picnic

On the last departmental picnic, management had decided that, due to liability issues, we could only have one alcoholic drink per person .

I was FIRED for ordering the cups.

 

[powerboatr]

new jvc remote

new jvc remote



scarlet nape, you can be in charge of the next bbq

 

[02SilverStroke]

Remember When......?

The old couple was sitting in their front porch swing one evening when the wife said:

Do you remember when we used to hold hands?
Her husband reached over and held her hand.

Do you remember when you used to kiss me on the cheek?
He kissed her on the cheek.

Do you remember when you used to bite me on the neck?
He got up and started toward the door.
She asked "Where are you going?"
He said "To get my teeth!"