scotty7751
Big Daddy
GENIOUS!!!!!!!!!!ForumBlue said:
Joke of the day
- Thread starter 95_stroker
- Start date
threejacks
Full Access Member
True Story, not a joke.
While going by the shoe department at Wally World the other day I heard a 5 or 6 year child crying to it's mother wanting a particular pair of shoes for school.
Her reply was, "You can't have them right now, I don't know what my new tattoo is going to cost."
While going by the shoe department at Wally World the other day I heard a 5 or 6 year child crying to it's mother wanting a particular pair of shoes for school.
Her reply was, "You can't have them right now, I don't know what my new tattoo is going to cost."
Hoss 350
My GSP, Dutch
Way to bring down the thread, man!threejacks said:
There is little in the world more contemptible to me than a selfish parent. Telling your child "no" because they don't need it/you don't have the money/you don't want them to have it is one thing (and a good thing, far too many parents are incapable of saying NO), but telling them they can't have something because it will deny you something you don't need/can't afford etc is ridiculous. YOu should not be competing against your kids for money and toys. That is BS.
W4RLR
High Tech Hillbilly
W4RLR
High Tech Hillbilly
threejacks said:
If your child asks you for a new pair of shoes, and you tell her you can't afford it because you're saving your money for a new tattoo, YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK!
Crumm
Fordoholic
A couple of Texas hunters are out in the woods when one of
them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes
are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and
calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think my friend might be dead!
What can I do?"
The operator in a calm, soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can
help. First lets make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The hunter shouts into
the phone, "OK, now what?"
them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes
are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and
calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think my friend might be dead!
What can I do?"
The operator in a calm, soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can
help. First lets make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The hunter shouts into
the phone, "OK, now what?"
Crumm
Fordoholic
Situational Awareness Scenario
You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Answer below
Answer:
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round"; you're drunk.
You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Answer below
Answer:
Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round"; you're drunk.
architect-builder
Full Access Member
Subject: City Blond marries farmer
Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer.
One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the
farmer says to her, "The artificial insemination man
is coming to impregnate one of our cows
today.
I drove a nail into the two-by-four above the
cow's stall. You show him where it is, okay?"
So the farmer leaves for the fields, and a while
later, the artificial insemination man arrives. Amy
takes him down the long row of cows until she sees
the nail, and tells him, "This is the one. This one
right here."
Terribly impressed, the man asks, How did you know
this is the cow to be bred?" "By the nail over it's stall,"
Amy explains. Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
As she walks away she tells him,
"I guess it's to hang your pants on!"
Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer.
One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the
farmer says to her, "The artificial insemination man
is coming to impregnate one of our cows
today.
I drove a nail into the two-by-four above the
cow's stall. You show him where it is, okay?"
So the farmer leaves for the fields, and a while
later, the artificial insemination man arrives. Amy
takes him down the long row of cows until she sees
the nail, and tells him, "This is the one. This one
right here."
Terribly impressed, the man asks, How did you know
this is the cow to be bred?" "By the nail over it's stall,"
Amy explains. Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
As she walks away she tells him,
"I guess it's to hang your pants on!"
architect-builder
Full Access Member
A wife that is suspecting her husband of cheating calls home.
A woman answers
Wife: Who is this?
The woman answers: I am the maid.
Wife: Maid? I do not have a maid. Who hired you?
Maid: The master of the house. I just started this morning.
Wife: Where's my husband?
Maid: He is in the bedroom with whom I thought was the lady of the house.
Wife: Do you want to make $50,000.00.
Maid: Yes, what do I have to do?
Wife: In the desk there's a gun. Take it and shoot him.
<Foot steps going away. Two shots. More foot steps.>
Maid: Now what?
Wife: Take his body and put it in the pool.
Maid: What pool? There's no pool here.
Wife: Isn't this 897-5431?
Maid: No!
Click - dial tone
A woman answers
Wife: Who is this?
The woman answers: I am the maid.
Wife: Maid? I do not have a maid. Who hired you?
Maid: The master of the house. I just started this morning.
Wife: Where's my husband?
Maid: He is in the bedroom with whom I thought was the lady of the house.
Wife: Do you want to make $50,000.00.
Maid: Yes, what do I have to do?
Wife: In the desk there's a gun. Take it and shoot him.
<Foot steps going away. Two shots. More foot steps.>
Maid: Now what?
Wife: Take his body and put it in the pool.
Maid: What pool? There's no pool here.
Wife: Isn't this 897-5431?
Maid: No!
Click - dial tone
powerboatr
living well in Texas
crumm, AB and rray
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my G0D! You're cooking too many at once. TOOMANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my ***! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my G0D! You're cooking too many at once. TOOMANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my ***! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
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