Joke of the day

[powerboatr]

One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted
to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."





And they say blondes are dumb...

 

[MUDWHISTLE]

Pet monkey

This guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey on a leash and the bartender tells the man he can't have that monkey in there. The man continues to explain that this monkey is his best friend and he takes him everywhere and that he promises he'll be good and won't bother enyone. the bartender agrees to let the monkey stay.

A few drinks later the man decides to let his monkey off the leash and gets the bartender to agree. as soon and he lets the monkey go he starts running all over the bar kicking peoples drinks over and throwing glasses around and before the man has a chance to catch him the monkey hops up on the pool table and kicks that balls around and then grabs the cue ball and swallows it.

By now the bartender is furious and tells the man to get that blankety blank monkey the hell outta the bar and don't bring him back.

A couple weeks later the man comes back to the bar with his monkey and enters, as soon as the bartender sees the man with his monkey he says no! no! no! get him outta here. Once again the man talks the bartender into letting him and the monkey stay. And once again after a few drinks the man lets the monkey off the leash and the monkey goes crazy again doing the same thing kicking drinks over and throwing glasses around. then he takes a peanut out of the dish and sticks it in his rectum, pulls it out and then eats it.

Furious once again the bartender goes man! what is wrong with that monkey? That was digusting, why did he do that? The man replys well since he ate that cue ball and had a hell of a time pooping it out he measures everything before he eats it now! Dada chsssh!

 

[happeetxn]

Watch out for this Hell's angel chick

View attachment 2080

 

[BamaSixGun]

that's too funny right there. is that a blonde gone brunett?

 

[W4RLR]

Once more for old times sake.

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence, and I made love to you."

"Yes, she says, I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again, and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh, Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes. Both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman thinks this was truly amazing. He thinks, "I've got to ask them what their secret is!" As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

 

[powerboatr]

EOWWWWWEEE Zap

 

[scotty7751]

THAT WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[95_stroker]

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating
from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young
bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very
carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's
foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn
out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put
down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a
rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments
Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty
years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As
they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned
and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were
standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its
front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several
times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering
if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage,
climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked
right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant
trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and
swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.
























Probably wasn't the same elephant.

 

[BamaSixGun]

farting preacher video

this is too funny.

farting preacher video

 

[BamaSixGun]

this is too funny.

farting preacher video

i can't believe that nobody has posted about this all weekend.

this is HI-larryious