Joke of the day

[Russ]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to
give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask,
"are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know sir, I'm
only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood
in one hand and his testicles in the other.

Then she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong
with them sir."

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very
slowly, "Thank you very much, that was wonderful, but listen
very, very closely...




Are - my - test - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

 

[Roland_Jenkins]

Tickle Me Elmo TMX Top Secret Video

Brought to you by Google
Tickle Me Elmo

I ain't laughed this hard since I taught my Furby to say @#$%

 

[Scarlet_Nape]

How the blonde thing started

How the blonde thing started

 

[powerboatr]

How the blonde thing started

so what does the doc give her to help with his URBAN

 

[Scarlet_Nape]

so what does the doc give her to help with his URBAN

I don't know, but apparantly it was contagious...I know a few other blondes who have the same condition!!

 

[acjjkamp]

the wife...

Last night, the wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "Honey, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug ok?"










She nodded, got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer...

 

[W4RLR]

so what does the doc give her to help with his URBAN

Puts a whole new spin on those guys who own tricked-out SUBURBANS, doesn't it?

 

[architect-builder]

Heard this last night on TV.

If a girl with big boobs works at Hooters, Where does a girl with 1 leg work????????







































IHOP

 

[04Powerstroke]

Heaven & Hell

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
>
>The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
>chemistry mid-term.
>
>The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it
>with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
>pleasure of enjoying it as well:
>
>Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
>heat)?
>
>Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
>cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
>
>One student, however, wrote the following:
>
>First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
>to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
>they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
>to Hell, it will not leave.
>
>Therefore, no souls are leaving.
>
>As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
>religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that
>if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there
>is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
>than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
>
>With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
>in Hell to increase exponentially.
>
>Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
>Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
>the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
>added.
>
>This gives two possibilities:
>
>1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
>Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
>until all Hell breaks loose.
>2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
>Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
>
>So which is it?
>
>If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
>that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
>into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two
>must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
>frozen over.
>
>The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows
>that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
>extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine
>being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, "Oh my God!"
>
>THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

 

[04Powerstroke]

Johnny

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go
>> >back to
>> >Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together. In the morning,
>> >Johnny,
>> >Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going
>> >out of
>> >the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up
>> >yet.
>> >
>> >She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"? His mom
>> >replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
>> >
>> >Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up
>> >yet?"
>> >She replies, "No."Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom
>> >replies,
>> >"Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to
>>school."
>> >
>> >After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary
>> >up yet?"
>> >His mom says, "No."He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom
>> >replies,
>> >"Ok, now tell me what you think?"
>> >
>> >He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I
>> >think I
>> >gave him my airplane glue."