Joke of the day

[02SilverStroke]

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not
allow me to take a leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take
a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny
noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss
would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are
you doing ?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a
couple of days".
I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where do you think you're
going?"

( You're going love this..... )
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!

 

[WD40]

The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly
didn't give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ~Who Represents where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity.

www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at:

www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at

www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at

www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company

www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales:

www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always

www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is

www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their
wacky website:

www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at

www.gotahoe.com

 

[powerboatr]

doug
i seemed to have seen this last night
from a source near here
funny how things go full circle
hmmm
this is priceless small world stuff

 

[95_stroker]

 

[02SilverStroke]

Doors

When is a door not a door?




When it's a jar!!!!!

 

[02SilverStroke]

The Start Of The Honeymoon

Back in the "horse and buggy days" a young couple got married and started to their new home riding their horse drawn buggy. The horse stumbled and the man yelled "That's one mistake!!". They drove along a little further, and the horse stumbled again, and the man yelled "That's two mistakes!!". A little further down the road, the horse stumbled again, and the man yelled "That's three mistakes!!" and pulled out his gun and killed the horse. His bride screamed, "Oh my god!! You've shot the horse, and we have nothing to pull the buggy!!!" The man looked at her and said, "That's one mistake!!"

 

[02SilverStroke]

Headlines

THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2005:

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces BatteryCharge
[He probably IS the battery charge!]


And the winner is...

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Did I read that sign right?]

 

[02SilverStroke]

It's So Hot In Texas That....

The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch
is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying hard-boiled eggs.

 

[02SilverStroke]

It's So Dry In Texas That......

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year old."

A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?"
A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does. Do you remember that
part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"
The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood."
"Well," said the rancher puffed up, "we got about two and a
half inches of that."

 

[02SilverStroke]

You Know You're In Texas When....

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

You can say 110 degrees without fainting.

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

You can make instant sun tea.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

When the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

It's noon in July, the kids are on summer vacation, and not one
person is out on the streets.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break a sweat the instant you step outside and it's only 7:30 am. No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize asphalt has a liquid state.