Joke of the day

[the_hammer]

Redneck Computer Terms

Redneck Computer Terms



"Hard drive" --

Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

"Keyboard" --

1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em.

"Window" --

Place in the truck to hang your guns.

"Floppy" --

When you run out of Polygrip.

"Modem" --

1. How you got rid of your dandelions.


"ROM" --

Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

"Byte" --

First word in a kiss-off phrase.

"Reboot" --

What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

"Network" --

Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.

"Mouse" --

1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.

"LAN" --

To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

"Cursor" --

What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

"Bit" --

A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."

"Digital Control" --

What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

"Packet" --

What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

 

[no-red 6 0]

this came from my 6 yr. old son


Q: How do you know if your dog is on the phone?


A: Check the collar id....


i kill my self i realllllly do!!

goes w/ the 'lab' post today.. made me remember the joke

 

[Zookie400]

from an email i recieved today:

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened ....

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington D.C., and those *******s deducted $95.00 in taxes.

 

[CHPMustang]

crabs


A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs.

A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the Crew's refrigerator, which she did.

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

She was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?

Not one hand went up.. so she took them home and ate them herself.


Men never learn!

 

[architect-builder]

Central Intelligence Agency

 

[CHPMustang]

MAN'S BEST FRIEND

A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

 

[02SilverStroke]

Volkswagen Joke (A Really Old Joke)

Once there were two little old ladies who had new Volkswagen Beetles (the rear engined ones). The first lady said that her engine died in her car, and when she raised the hood, the engine was gone!!! The second lady said, "That's okay. I opened the trunk on my car the other day, and found an extra engine. You can have it!!"

 

[Crumm]

MAN'S BEST FRIEND

A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

I am going to try it just for fun

 

[02SilverStroke]

I'm Broke

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of
minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in
high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!"
And she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed
It wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at
least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure
from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork,
'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

 

[banana]

This man was walking down the sidewalk by an insane asylum. on the other side of the wall he heard someone chanting,,,12, 12, 12, 12, 12, 12, 12, 12........ so being curious he noticed a small hole in the wall and went to look inside. when he got his eye up to the hole someone on the other side poked him in it, and he then heard 13, 13, 13, 13, 13.............