Joke of the day

[W4RLR]

A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender,
"Do you serve lawyers here?"

"Sure do," replied the bartender.

"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."

 

[dpantazis]

For PB

A young lieutenant was working late at the Pentagon one evening.

As he clocks out of his office at about 8 P.M. He sees the General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.

"Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My secretary's' gone home and I don't know how to run it."

"Yes, sir," says the young lieutenant, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in.

"Thanks," says the General, "I just need one copy..."

 

[dpantazis]

For RoyBoy

As a trucker stops for a red light, a catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says

"Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly,

"Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says

"Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it’s winter in Wisconsin and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK”.

 

[RoyBoy]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says

"Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly,

"Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says

"Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it’s winter in Wisconsin and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK”.

Thanks Dennis

 

[dpantazis]

N-O-W, You Know Why !!!!!

When a woman wears a leather dress,
A man's heart beats quicker,
And his throat gets dry,
He goes weak in the knees,
And he begins to think irrationally.
Ever wonder why?

















Because she smells like a new truck!

 

[02SilverStroke]

Nobody Believes Old Folks

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary.

They walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty-thousand dollars.
The husband says, "We've got to give it back." She says,"Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
She says, "No."
The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him.
One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning."
The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..."
The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "We're outta here!!!!"

 

[02SilverStroke]

Life Is Finally Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty
Years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

 

[bgirls]

10 Year Old Stress

Subject: 10 Year Old Stress





A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you
won't tell me.'

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have
nothing left to live for.'

 

[02SilverStroke]

The Cajun Car Hauler

Once there was this car hauler from Abbeville, Louisiana who was trying to make it home before Christmas. He still had a few cars on his truck, but decided that their delivery could wait a few days. He was driving along at night on a narrow two lane highway and was about 5 miles from home when all his lights went out. He thought, 'What am I going to do?" Then he realized that the car on top was pointed forward, so he climbed up to it and turned on the headlights and proceeded on his way. Finally he met a car that quickly turned off the highway and right into a steep ditch. The car hauler pulled over and said "Why did you run off the road? Are you okay?" The other driver said that he was fine and added "I figured that if your truck was half as wide as it was tall, I'd better get out of the way!!!"

 

[CHPMustang]

Origin Of The Species

Origin Of The Species


A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"

The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."

Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."


The confused girl returns to her mother and says: "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"

The mother answers: "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his."