Joke of the day

[02SilverStroke]

Have You Ever Seen The Back Of A Smiley Face

If you've ever wondered what was behind the smiley face, here is your answer: http://www.d21c.com/terri1/flash/smile.swf
Turn up your speakers and enjoy!!!!

 

[04Powerstroke]

Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear, Newfoundland when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in St. John's. The doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have the fingers and I'll see what I can do."
Johnny said, "I haven't got da fingers."
"What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2006! We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible
techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring the fingers?"

Johnny says "How da f%@# was I suppose to pick dem up??

 

[bad_bad_bubba]

The Cowboy and the Trooper


A cowboy in Oklahoma got pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding.


The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket.


As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.


The cowboy said, "Having some problem with Circle flies there, are ya?"


The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of Circle flies."


So the cowboy says, "Well, circle flies are common on ranches. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."


The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.


Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"


The cowboy says, "Oh no, Trooper. I have too much respect for law enforcement to even think about calling you a horse's ass."


The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.


After a long pause, the cowboy says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

 

[bad_bad_bubba]

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,
"Thank
you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me housing,
food
stamps, free medical care and free education!"
But the passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican".
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for Having
such
a beautiful country here in America!"
The person says "I no American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
shakes
his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America!"
That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not
an
American!"
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an
American?"
She says, "No, I am from Russia!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where
are
all the Americans?"
The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says...
"Probably at work!"

 

[drchris1024]

Another Good Texas Joke....

gotta love Texas!





A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes ma'am. Ya' see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete city outfit." Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?"

"Well, ma'am, how about a suit?" "Yes, sir. What size?" "Size 53 tall, ma'am."
"Wow, that's really big." "Yes, ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."

"What's next?" she asked. He replied, "How about some shoes?" "! What size?"
"Size 15 double E." "Wow, that's really big! "Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

"What's next?"

"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt." "Yes, sir. What size?" "Nineteen and a half neck, sleeves 38," he replied."Wow, that's really big!" "Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

"Will there be anything else?" she asked. "Yes, ma'am. I 'spect I'll need a hat." "Yes, sir. What size? and style?" "Eight and five-eighths. Stetson." "Wow, that's really big!" "Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

She virtually glowed as she asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?" "No ma'am, I reckon that will be all."

As the sweet young thing tallied up his bill, and as the Texan counted out his money, she blushed and asked, "Sir, could I ask you a question?"

"Yes, ma'am, I already know what it is. And the answer is four inches."

Astonished, she blurted out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!" Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied.........................!

"From the floor ma'am.................From the floor."



Ya'll hava good'n

 

[powerboatr]

at last someoen made a cartoon about my job

 

[Scarlet_Nape]

at last someoen made a cartoon about my job

What job?!!!

 

[02SilverStroke]

The $12 Bills

There were these two Cajuns in South Louisiana who decided to get rich by making counterfeit $10.00 bills. While they were making the bills, they got drunk. After they sobered up they realized they had made a big stack of $12.00 bills. One of them said "what the hell are we gonna do with all these $12.00 bills?" The other one said, "Let's take them to the Cajuns over in Texas. They're not as smart as we are, and they'll take them!" So they came to Texas and tried to pawn them off on the Texas Cajuns. They went to one guy and said "Hey mister, do you have change for a 12?" The Texas Cajun said "Sure, how do you want it: 3 $4.00 bills, or 2 $6.00 ones?"

 

[94f450sd]

Dave and Jim were out deer hunting. Dave was pretty new to this
whole deer hunting thing, so Jim had told him all about a clean
kill, and field dressing, etc.

Well, after an afternoon up in the stand, Dave heard some noise
in the woods; he got buck fever and fired. He went over to where
he thought his deer should be, and realized he had shot his good
friend Jim.

Dave rushed him to the hospital. After what seemed like a very
long time, the doctor came out shaking his head. He told Dave,

"The gunshot wound wasn't too bad, and we could have saved him
had you just not gutted and skinned him."

 

[Scarlet_Nape]

Oops

To my darling husband

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XXX


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