Joke of the day

[95_stroker]

How's about one single thread that is stuck to the top of the forum and can be used as the joke dump. Rather than having 10-15 active joke threads, there can be one and anybody/everybody can put their Friday Funnies or one liners in here. All other new joke threads will either be moved to here or deleted, depending on how much free time the moderator has on his hands.

So, go ahead guys and gals, post your jokes in this thread.

Remember, Keep'em clean

 

[94f450sd]

Never trust a Chevy I warn you all,they seldom start ,they always stall,those who drive Chevy's,those who dare,They're always broke and need daily repairs.First its the plugs then its the points,after the clutch the universal joints.If your ever pulled over for speeding and this is seldom so,the cop will take one look and then let you go,He'll say to you while looking tough,your driving a chevy ,you've suffered enough!When shopping for a car ,don't shop all day,,,,be smart and wise ,,,,you can Drive home a nice "FORD",,,,or push home a CHEVROLET!

 

[02SilverStroke]

Never trust a Chevy I warn you all,they seldom start ,they always stall,those who drive Chevy's,those who dare,They're always broke and need daily repairs.First its the plugs then its the points,after the clutch the universal joints.If your ever pulled over for speeding and this is seldom so,the cop will take one look and then let you go,He'll say to you while looking tough,your driving a chevy ,you've suffered enough!When shopping for a car ,don't shop all day,,,,be smart and wise ,,,,you can Drive home a nice "FORD",,,,or push home a CHEVROLET!

Interesting point about the u-joints. I saw a Tahoe broken down yesterday morning with it's driveshaft hanging down. Was still there yesterday afternoon when I got off work.

 

[RenoF250]

Mike Rowe gave this groaner on Dirty Jobs:

Why does a chicken coupe have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.

 

[psdan000]

found this one on another forum...pretty funny

Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said, "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?

A. Sounds like a fair trade.

 

[powerboatr]

Mike Rowe gave this groaner on Dirty Jobs:

Why does a chicken coupe have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.

So on th eway home i was listening to a comedian
he was talking about health clubs and how he only goes once a year,
and tried to get into shape......but gave it up after one visit.
so now he is comforatable with his shape, he actually looks like





a big letter Q

 

[ForumBlue]

This is an old one, but so funny I think it deserves a spot in this thread.

Four Nuns are standing in line to get into Heaven. As the first one approaches St. Peter asked if she has any sins to confess. Embarrassed she says "I once saw a man's penis." St. Peter replies " Wash your eyes with this holy water and you are forgiven." The second one says "I once touched a man's penis." St. Peter replies "Wash your hands in this holy water and all is forgiven." As the third nun approaches the fourth nun pushes in front of her. St. Peter says " There is no need to cut in line, there is plenty of room in heaven." To this the previously fourth nun replies "If you think I'm gargling with that stuff after she sits in it your crazy."

 

[95_stroker]

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home
Depot when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for
my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for
my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your
wife look like?

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue
eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What
does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.

 

[ForumBlue]

Good one Stroker.

 

[ForumBlue]

Got another one.....

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts . One day a young man comes into the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread - on the very top shelf - he politely says to the young woman, "I'd like some raisin bread, please."

She climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, providing the young man with an excellent view, and he notices she is not wereing any panties. When she comes down the ladder, he says he really should get two loaves as he is having company for dinner.

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he orders a loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread just to watch the young woman climb up and down.

After many trips, she is tired, irritated and thinking she is really going to have to try the raisin bread herself. Once again she is up the ladder retrieving a loaf of raisin bread for another male customer. She stops and fumes, glaring at the men below. She notices an elderly man standing among the crowd of males looking up at her who hasn't placed an order yet.

Thinking to save herself another trip up and down the ladder, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin, too?" "Not yet," croaked the old man, "but it's a quiverin'..."