Crumm
Fordoholic
Hi there I thought since I have been a member for a while that I should introduce myself and my family ...
Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. Not much else I can think of about me.
My mom um She has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says
with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.
Then there is my brother Hank. He is in jail right now. When he gets out he is
not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.
My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. She smells real bad. She likes
to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over. The flies
are terrible around her.
My mom says she is almost positive who is my dad. He lives in a Federal
Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are going fishing.
My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking a egg beater
after mom made a cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident.
We are proud of my older brother Barney. He is 27. He wants to be a Doctor
and can write his own name.
My older sister is Sue Ellen. She has 15 kids and they all look
different. She has a disease that makes her itch.
Jethro is my 1st cousin. He runs a tomato stand down by the highway. He
once went 53 days without taking a bath.
My second cousin is Buck. He is pretty smart. Buck is going to
be a dentist some day. He does all the work on our teeth.
My sisters boyfriend for now is Larry. He fixes lawn mowers in the city.
My sister says he has a hairy behind.
Michael used to be my best friend but got killed by a bus on the interstate.
I still wear his underwear.
My cousin Jake holds the park record. He once jumped over 7 trailers. Jake crashed a
lot and talks real slow now. His doctor told him to wear a helmet.
My uncle Marky is still having problems. He doesn't know what he wants in life anymore.
He is a Vietnam War hero and now sells perfume at a department store.
My step brothers name is Phil. He had a hunting accident years ago. The
bullet is lodged just over his right ear. It's hard to understand him
sometimes and he always stinks like rotten cheese.
I have a twin brother Bert. We were born 4 minutes apart. Bert made
medical history when he fell out of my mom during birth. I hate him.
My great grandmother is lots of fun. She still chews tobacco and rides a
bicycle. Grandma dates younger men with teeth.
I also have a sister Molly. Mom said she just showed up at our trailer home
one day and never left. She bit the mailman. She loves to drink water from
the toilet bowl. She smokes cigarettes too.
My cousin Eddie went to New York this summer. A piece of the Statue Of
Liberty fell off and hit him in the head. Eddie now has the I.Q. of a
tomato plant.
We found a guy named Willy sleeping under our trailer one night. Mom is teaching him
how to use toilet paper.
Then there is my half brother Boomer. Boomer is going to be a policeman one day.
He already patrols the interstate and stops the bad people.
Walt dates my grand mom. He grows pumpkins on 7 acres of land. He likes
chasing grand mom through his pumpkin patch in his underwear.
I have a 3rd cousin Smitty. Smitty works in a dog collar factory in the
city. He works 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. Every electric dog collar is
tested on Smitty before they are shipped to the store.
Another one of my sister's boyfriends is Paul. He is running for Mayor in the city. He
hates kids and old people. Our neighbor Mrs. Dot is taking him to court for
spitting on her baby. He also wants to ban wheelchairs in the city.
I also have a half brother JimBob and his wife. She is pretty I think. They raise
Possum in their back yard. They are not allowed to have children.
That about wraps it up for my family. Thought I would share a little about my history.
Crumm
Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. Not much else I can think of about me.
My mom um She has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says
with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.
Then there is my brother Hank. He is in jail right now. When he gets out he is
not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.
My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. She smells real bad. She likes
to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over. The flies
are terrible around her.
My mom says she is almost positive who is my dad. He lives in a Federal
Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are going fishing.
My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking a egg beater
after mom made a cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident.
We are proud of my older brother Barney. He is 27. He wants to be a Doctor
and can write his own name.
My older sister is Sue Ellen. She has 15 kids and they all look
different. She has a disease that makes her itch.
Jethro is my 1st cousin. He runs a tomato stand down by the highway. He
once went 53 days without taking a bath.
My second cousin is Buck. He is pretty smart. Buck is going to
be a dentist some day. He does all the work on our teeth.
My sisters boyfriend for now is Larry. He fixes lawn mowers in the city.
My sister says he has a hairy behind.
Michael used to be my best friend but got killed by a bus on the interstate.
I still wear his underwear.
My cousin Jake holds the park record. He once jumped over 7 trailers. Jake crashed a
lot and talks real slow now. His doctor told him to wear a helmet.
My uncle Marky is still having problems. He doesn't know what he wants in life anymore.
He is a Vietnam War hero and now sells perfume at a department store.
My step brothers name is Phil. He had a hunting accident years ago. The
bullet is lodged just over his right ear. It's hard to understand him
sometimes and he always stinks like rotten cheese.
I have a twin brother Bert. We were born 4 minutes apart. Bert made
medical history when he fell out of my mom during birth. I hate him.
My great grandmother is lots of fun. She still chews tobacco and rides a
bicycle. Grandma dates younger men with teeth.
I also have a sister Molly. Mom said she just showed up at our trailer home
one day and never left. She bit the mailman. She loves to drink water from
the toilet bowl. She smokes cigarettes too.
My cousin Eddie went to New York this summer. A piece of the Statue Of
Liberty fell off and hit him in the head. Eddie now has the I.Q. of a
tomato plant.
We found a guy named Willy sleeping under our trailer one night. Mom is teaching him
how to use toilet paper.
Then there is my half brother Boomer. Boomer is going to be a policeman one day.
He already patrols the interstate and stops the bad people.
Walt dates my grand mom. He grows pumpkins on 7 acres of land. He likes
chasing grand mom through his pumpkin patch in his underwear.
I have a 3rd cousin Smitty. Smitty works in a dog collar factory in the
city. He works 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. Every electric dog collar is
tested on Smitty before they are shipped to the store.
Another one of my sister's boyfriends is Paul. He is running for Mayor in the city. He
hates kids and old people. Our neighbor Mrs. Dot is taking him to court for
spitting on her baby. He also wants to ban wheelchairs in the city.
I also have a half brother JimBob and his wife. She is pretty I think. They raise
Possum in their back yard. They are not allowed to have children.
That about wraps it up for my family. Thought I would share a little about my history.
Crumm
