Joke of the day

94f450sd

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Pigs



A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs

and split everything 50/50.



The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let

the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the

family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.



While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"

The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant.

If they're in the mud, they're not."



The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family Station

wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers

were worn out. The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife,

"Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."



"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
 

BIG JOE

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The Economy

With the Economy the way it is.... EXXON, CHEVRON & BP have had to Lay Off several Congressmen..;):lmao
 

JLDickmon

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With the Economy the way it is.... EXXON, CHEVRON & BP have had to Lay Off several Congressmen..;):lmao

I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck... :eek:
 

94f450sd

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A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked...
"Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had.
That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous.
Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
 

02SilverStroke

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A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked...
"Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had.
That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous.
Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are!!!!!
 

02SilverStroke

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The Prescription

A lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, I would like to buy some cyanide.
The pharmacist asked, "Why?"
The lady replied, I need it to poison my husband.
The pharmacist said 'Lord have mercy! that's against the law! Absolutely not!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, You didn't tell me you had a prescription
 

Deerjager

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The Church Organist and Green Persimmons

There was this small church in Pennsylvania that had a very big-busted Organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled... They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another Organist.

So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green Persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green Persimmons, though, "because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while".

She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said......"
"Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday."
 

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