Its FRIDAY

powerboatr

living well in Texas
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:D :hail
almost quitting time :D

here is a little red skelton humor for the weekend

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place
to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"
 
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Hoss 350

My GSP, Dutch
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Far to many people are unaware of the comical genius that is Red Skelton. Most of the tried-and-true, staple jokes that you hear day in and day out were originally quoted by him. The guy is funny. The king of the one-liner.

My Grandpa thinks he walks on water.
 

powerboatr

living well in Texas
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Hoss 350 said:
Far to many people are unaware of the comical genius that is Red Skelton. Most of the tried-and-true, staple jokes that you hear day in and day out were originally quoted by him. The guy is funny. The king of the one-liner.

My Grandpa thinks he walks on water.

he is on the old time radio stuff to on xm. i get great laughs on the way to work
 

architect-builder

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The husband had just finished reading the book, "MAN OF THE HOUSE."
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said:

"From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of the house and my
word is law!!! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and
when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a scrumptious dessert
afterwards. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I
can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who is going to
dress me and comb my hair?!?"

His wife replied: "The freakin' funeral director would be my guess."
 

jharvey

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My mom sent me this one hoping to keep me out of trouble...........

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a
man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his
own hands!

DANGEROUS -- What's for dinner?
SAFER -- Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST -- Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE -- Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS -- Are you wearing that?
SAFER -- Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST -- WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE -- Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS -- What are you so worked up about?
SAFER -- Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST -- Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRA SAFE -- Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS -- Should you be eating that?
SAFER -- You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST -- Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE -- Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS -- What did you do all day?
SAFER -- I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST -- I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE -- Here, have some more chocolate.

Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a

good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember:

Money talks...but chocolate sings.

Another thing to giggle about... My husband, not happy with my mood
swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to
monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me diamonds.

Here, have some chocolate.
 

powerboatr

living well in Texas
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architect-builder said:
His wife replied: "The freakin' funeral director would be my guess."
:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao
sort of like the song from years past


put another log on the fire,
brew me up another cup of tea
go out and chop the wood
then come sit down and tell me why
your leaving me :roflmao
 

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