W4RLR
High Tech Hillbilly
Pierre goes to visit his coonass buddy Boudreaux "how you be doin Boudreaux ?" he says.
"Oh Pierre I is done worn out, Ann Marie gone visitin her kin and left me wit deese childrens. Da baby sheet da diaper, I put anotha on and go down to da creek to wash it out, I come back to hang it out and da baby done sheet dat diaper. Dis is killin me" replies Boudreaux.
Then says Pierre " Boudreaux you dumb coonass, git yourself down to dat Walmart and git you some of dem Huggy dispoable diapers dis is de 21st century"
About 4 or 5 days later Pierre again stops by to see his buddy. Boudreaux comes running out of the trailer and hugs Pierre. " Oh Pierre you dis mans best frien, dem Huggy diapers done save my life". Right then the baby comes crawling along stinking to high heaven, with a cloud of flies. The diaper is dragging the ground and looks like it is holding a bowling ball.
Pierre says, "Boudreaux you dumb coonass you still gotta change de diaper!"
Replies Boudreaux "Oh no Pierre, I be sharp, I get de extra large size, say it hold up to 22 pounds!".
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Boudreaux, the Cajun fireman came home from work one day and said to His wife, "Ya know sumpin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station." Bell 1 rings -- we put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings -- we slide down the de pole, Bell 3 rings -- we jump on de engine and we's ready to go. From now on, when I says "Bell 1" I want you to strip naked. When I says "Bell 2" you jump on the bed. When I says "Bell tree" we's gonna mek love all tru the night.
The next night he came home and yelled "Bell 1", his wife strips down, he yells "Bell 2", she jumps on the bed. Bell 3 and they are off making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled out "BELL 4".
What the hell is "Bell 4"? He asked.
She replied: " Roll out more hose, you ain't nowhere near de fire!"
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A big woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. At the end of the bar, was Boudreaux, a skinny little Cajun, who was VERY drunk. Boudreaux slammed his hand on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina a drink!"
Thibodeaux, the bartender, a close friend of Boudreaux's, poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned again to the patrons and pointed around at all of them, revealing her hairy armpit, and asked, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, Boudreaux slapped his hand down on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina anudder drink!"
Thibodeaux, finally approached Boudreaux and asked, "Boudreaux mah frien', I know it's your bidness of course if you want to buy dat lady a drink, but how come ya'll keep callin' her a Ballerina?"
Boudreaux replied, "Thibodeaux.... to me, any woman what can lift her leg dat high.... has got to be a Ballerina!
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The first speaker, a lady from England stood up and said, "During last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands.
Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself! After the first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing. But on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered.
The second speaker, a lady from Russia stood up and said, "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing. But on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but my washing as well." The crowd again cheered.
The third speaker, a Cajun lady from Thibodeaux, Louisiana, stood up and said, "Afta last years' conference, I went rat home and tole dat lazy Coonass husband 'a mine, Boudreaux, dat I wadn't gonna do no mo'a his cookin', cleanin' or shoppin' and dat he wuz gonna have to do it all fer hissef." The crowd got to their feet and roared approval. When it became quiet, she continued, "And I tole 'em I wadn't gonna be doin' no mo cleanin 'em nasty crawfeesh, giggin' no mo boolfrogs and water dawgs, skinnin' none'a dem musrats and nutras or check'n no mo catfeesh trotlines. The crowd went wild - the cheering and clapping lasted for at least five minutes.
When it again became calm, she continued, "Afta the fust day, I didn't saw nuttin'. Afta the second day, I didn't saw nuttin' too. But afta the thud day, I could see a little bit betta outta my left eye."
"Oh Pierre I is done worn out, Ann Marie gone visitin her kin and left me wit deese childrens. Da baby sheet da diaper, I put anotha on and go down to da creek to wash it out, I come back to hang it out and da baby done sheet dat diaper. Dis is killin me" replies Boudreaux.
Then says Pierre " Boudreaux you dumb coonass, git yourself down to dat Walmart and git you some of dem Huggy dispoable diapers dis is de 21st century"
About 4 or 5 days later Pierre again stops by to see his buddy. Boudreaux comes running out of the trailer and hugs Pierre. " Oh Pierre you dis mans best frien, dem Huggy diapers done save my life". Right then the baby comes crawling along stinking to high heaven, with a cloud of flies. The diaper is dragging the ground and looks like it is holding a bowling ball.
Pierre says, "Boudreaux you dumb coonass you still gotta change de diaper!"
Replies Boudreaux "Oh no Pierre, I be sharp, I get de extra large size, say it hold up to 22 pounds!".
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Boudreaux, the Cajun fireman came home from work one day and said to His wife, "Ya know sumpin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station." Bell 1 rings -- we put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings -- we slide down the de pole, Bell 3 rings -- we jump on de engine and we's ready to go. From now on, when I says "Bell 1" I want you to strip naked. When I says "Bell 2" you jump on the bed. When I says "Bell tree" we's gonna mek love all tru the night.
The next night he came home and yelled "Bell 1", his wife strips down, he yells "Bell 2", she jumps on the bed. Bell 3 and they are off making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled out "BELL 4".
What the hell is "Bell 4"? He asked.
She replied: " Roll out more hose, you ain't nowhere near de fire!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A big woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. At the end of the bar, was Boudreaux, a skinny little Cajun, who was VERY drunk. Boudreaux slammed his hand on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina a drink!"
Thibodeaux, the bartender, a close friend of Boudreaux's, poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned again to the patrons and pointed around at all of them, revealing her hairy armpit, and asked, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, Boudreaux slapped his hand down on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina anudder drink!"
Thibodeaux, finally approached Boudreaux and asked, "Boudreaux mah frien', I know it's your bidness of course if you want to buy dat lady a drink, but how come ya'll keep callin' her a Ballerina?"
Boudreaux replied, "Thibodeaux.... to me, any woman what can lift her leg dat high.... has got to be a Ballerina!
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Women's Liberation Conference
The Podunk Possum Gazette has provided this report from the 2000 World Women's Liberation Conference recently held in Podunk, Arkansas:The first speaker, a lady from England stood up and said, "During last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands.
Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself! After the first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing. But on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered.
The second speaker, a lady from Russia stood up and said, "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing. But on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but my washing as well." The crowd again cheered.
The third speaker, a Cajun lady from Thibodeaux, Louisiana, stood up and said, "Afta last years' conference, I went rat home and tole dat lazy Coonass husband 'a mine, Boudreaux, dat I wadn't gonna do no mo'a his cookin', cleanin' or shoppin' and dat he wuz gonna have to do it all fer hissef." The crowd got to their feet and roared approval. When it became quiet, she continued, "And I tole 'em I wadn't gonna be doin' no mo cleanin 'em nasty crawfeesh, giggin' no mo boolfrogs and water dawgs, skinnin' none'a dem musrats and nutras or check'n no mo catfeesh trotlines. The crowd went wild - the cheering and clapping lasted for at least five minutes.
When it again became calm, she continued, "Afta the fust day, I didn't saw nuttin'. Afta the second day, I didn't saw nuttin' too. But afta the thud day, I could see a little bit betta outta my left eye."
I knew some people that were 4.0 students who were about the dumbest people I'd ever met, but by golly, they could memorize a book and take a heck of a test. Put them is a real-world situation that required inventive thought and problem solving, though, and you'd be there a while before the bewildered look washed off their face. Wood/metal/auto shop was sort of fun with these folks, I gotta tell you.
