What do you all think???

[Got Diesel]

Ok so here is the story, I have been with my Girlfriend for 9 months now, she is deciding on where to go to school. I am in college, and was going to a school three hours away from her, I couldn't stand being that far away from her, so I transferred without thinking about it. I was under the impression that she was gonna be going the same school that I am at now. Thought this would be great, we would finally be together. Last weekend she told me that she was gonna be going to the same school that I am, I was so excited. Then this weekend she tells me she has changed her mind, she is going to be going to a school that is 30 miles from mine. I just don't know how to feel, I feel a little betrayed or not so important in her life. This is a very serious relationship, we love each other dearly, she has a promise ring, we have talked about marriage the whole nine yards. What do you all think about this? I am kinda at a loss for words when talking to her. I gave up my dream school, it's the only one that I looked at, I loved it that much. I gave up that and a $1, 500 a year scholarship when I transferred. I know that 30 miles isn't a super distance but I won't be able to afford the drive, three or four times a week. Sorry for the long post, I am just really hurt by all this. Thanks Kyle.

 

[Got Diesel]

I knew that both were an option. I was under the impression though that when I transferred she would go the same school. Guess not. Thanks for the making it thus far comment. I strongly feel that we will continue to make it. I just feel a little betrayed right now is all. Thanks

 

[02SilverStroke]

This might be a good test for the strength of your relationship. You know old quote: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder".

 

[powerboatr]

any chance your old school will take you back, tell em you were under undue hormonal stress. , but your all better now.
Hope it works out, iffin it was me, i would trade the girl for a good education, that will bring me jobs with good money so i could afford all the toys(boats and truck) and girls later.

 

[Hoss 350]

Wow, that's kind of rough, kid. I have two pieces of advice for you, take them or leave them:
1) To begin with, it is obvious that you love this girl a lot, since you did not follow your dreams, but rather, her. Anyone that tells you that you did the wrong thing by not following your dreams and going to "your" school does not understand love. YOu make sacrifices for love. It is the way thigns are. It is a two-way street, though, and if you made a sacrifice for her, and she does not appreciate it enough to go to another (different) school when you specifically did not go to your school so you could be with her??? My guess is that she doesn't love and appreciate you nearly as much as you do her. She is obviously unwilling to sacrifice for you.

Which brings me to two...

2.) Go to your school. Do your thing. It is the perfect test for your relationship. If she can't/won't make the effort to share some of the financial burden to make the distance thing work (IE, HER coming to see YOU every once in a while instead of YOu only going to see HER, like it sounds like the plan would be in your post) then she doesn't care. The first year of college changes a lot of things. YOu will change a lot. Not to jinx your relationship, but I have dollars to doughnuts that you either fall out of love for her, or she falls out of love with you, regardless of proximity (even if you were going to the same school!) If this doesn't happen, then you know your relationship is a good one, and you can rest assured that you've found the woman for you.

Relationships are all about give and take. From the way you described the fact that "you wouldn't be able to afford making the trip twice a week to come see her" (making it sound like she would be unwilling to make the trip one of those times each week to come see you, instead, and share the financial burden) and the way she would not compromise for you on the school choice like you would for her, it sounds like this relationship is based on YOU give, and HER take.

You need to have a talk with her. It sounds to me like you may be under the influence of a little "institutional pussy-whuppness" (I mean no offense, it happens to nice guys that care for their girls like you, who make sacrifices and effort to keep her happy) because YOU changed schools, YOU make the trip to go see her, and she is obviously pretty unappreciative. Don't be mad, don't be a jerk. Just let her know how you feel, that you are making the effort, and that she doesn't seem to care, and it is making you feel a little unappreciated and marginalized. Don't let it fester or continue to bug you, because it will just get worse to a boiling point, you'll blow up, and nothing will be better off for it in the end...

 

[Got Diesel]

Thanks for the replies. I have cooled down about it now a little. I have given everything for this girl, and I would say that I am whipped, but that's the kinda guy I am. What can I say I'm a nice guy. I am ok with her going to the other school, as long as she knows, she has to drive to me also. Thanks again Kyle.

 

[draftlover]

I agree with the most of the guys here... do your thing and then see where your at. I had a long distance relationship with my first fiancé.(I was head over heels for her.) I was in the Navy and lived in Chicago. She lived in my hometown of Gillette, Wyoming. We used to drive to Sioux Falls, South Dakota(about 650 miles for me and 450 for her one way) and she would meet me there. Eventually, she decided she didn't want to drive that far and so I drove all the way to Gillette(1100 miles one way). This was every other weekend, if I could. (Crazy in love I guess? ) When I got out of the military, I moved back to Gillette. We continued our relationship and I worked in town. I took a new job after about 4 months and had to go to Alliance, Nebraska and stay for about 6 months to train and then get a transfer back to Gillette. We met when we could during this time and then I made it back to Gillette. After about 4 months or so back in town, I came home from work and all of my **** was gone for my house!!!-mad It was over and I was heartbroken and thought life was over. She had changed her mind in the time we were apart and had a new man about a week after we split.(As hard as it is on my male ego,I will admit that I later found out she had a new man for quite a while even though we were together and supposedly going to get married.) In hind sight, I wasted TONS of money, time, love and emotion on a girl who never cared for me as much as I did her.

On the flip side, my wife now was going to college in Laramie, Wyoming (which is about 300 miles from Gillette) when we started dating. I would go visit her or she would come visit me almost every weekend. We stayed together through her 3 years left at college and continue on to this day almost eight years later. I got back what I put in and it worked out great!!

Moral: If it's meant to happen it will, regardless of the obstacle of distance. Any counselor or shrink will tell you that when your in love you think (or convince yourself) that there is only one person for you in the world, the one you're with. In truth there are thousands of compatible girls out there that will make you just as happy or happier than the one your with now. Keep in mind, I'm not condemning this relationship, just saying that it will happen if it's supposed to...like mine did!!!

 

[rgdillon]

Ok so here is the story, I have been with my Girlfriend for 9 months now, she is deciding on where to go to school. I am in college,

Kyle,

I feel for you son - love can be tough at times. From what I can figure, both of you are young - sounds like she is just getting out of high school. This comes down to a case of being mature. You may be further along than she is. There may also be parental choice in here also. You really need to sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk.
Having her go to a different college may be the best thing to happen - not what you want to hear - but may be true. Again it's going to be tough - but if you both can survive - your love last through several years of say seeing each other on the weekends - then you have something. And I say this due to your age - give it some time, grow up a little more - maybe you both find someone else - maybe you don't and live a long life together. But I can tell this - life together is never easy - you both need to be strong and secure enough with each other to make it work.
On April 21st we just celebrated our 29th anniversary - and believe me there have been times when we both wanted to string each other up - but the love was always there. So I say let her go - see her when you can and in a few years if you both feel the same as you do now - your ready to make a go of it.

Best of luck to you -

Ron

 

[Dieselpwrdredneck]

My now fiance goes to my school now, but in the summer she lives at her house across the state(4+ hrs). I did not get to see her as often as i would have liked but, we stuck through it b/c it was worth it, I just got to burn a little more diesel fuel than the average joe when i went on a date

Just try and stick with it, if it pans out then you know it is true. It's not the thing ya prolly wanna hear, it is what i believe.

Neal

 

[Crumm]

I forget exactly how the saying goes but it is something like:

If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it is yours to keep. If it does not come back it was never yours in the first place.

You have the rest of your life to live. Right now go to the school you want to attend so you can get a good education and the rest will work itself out.